xfairyxprincess

had a good day at donna nook! well kinda apart from his mother harrasing us about a bloody name for the baby!! we have already decided on a name! but we arnt telling any1 till shes born! uh wish ppl wud stop asking me n trying to suggest names.... we r capable of nameing r child!! n like we aint gunna cum across there suggestion wen we look ourselfs! weve obviously sed no... uh ppl! well had an ok birthday went midwife shes booked me in for a sweep *to try get labour going* uh its on boxing day! then if tht doesnt work my induction is on the 31th dec so.. she b born then for def... but still got a week to go! hopefully she cums b4 the sweep heard its not nice!!! :( got £100 of luke £20 of steves mum £25 of steves dad £30 of nan pat n £20 of his nan sweet realli wasnt expecting anything of his family! an steve suprised me with a birthday cake! lol was very nice lol then went for a meal.. was ok not the best 21st i was hoping for but hey! iv got kids so... obviously not gunna b going out n getting pissed but.. will be doing new yrs eve well thts if she cums within the nxt week!!! so.. went to council interview was gd... hopefully it wont b going to court but wont no till after xmas... getting new heating system n fire in nxt week :) going for a meal tonight with tristan n claire :) also got sumthing of them for birthday was sweet! uh n tomoz got andy.. uh jus wat i need lol sat im avin a relaxing day in... then sunday its for a meal with steves dad... :) busy week its bin lol well going to go!!

so hypnotherepy worked!! :) we had a great chat about everything even depression! most of the things i new anyways but didnt no tht meds dont actually work at all.. they jus like numb the brain n wen u cum off the meds u go bk to being depressed basically being the mind and brain have to learn to cope with them situations they cnt b fixed wi meds... quiet logical realli and on the other hand they jus get u addicted to them basically like drugs... :/ so glad i learnt to b happy the right way :) she was gd tho... i mean i went into tht room doubting tht it was going to work n thinkin uh why am i spending £40 on sumet thts dumb... but... by the time she was finished *i cnt even remember wat happened for the 2 hours i was in a trance!* i came out tht room feeling very relaxed more relaxd then id ever been!! i got home i felt like a diffrent person even steve cud tell.. went to bed and i had the most compfyest night of sleep iv ever had!!!!! woke up this morning feeling very happy and calm.. *useually now a days iv been very angry n impateint basically cos of things going on n the baby* but yea i def recommend it to any1 i only needed 1 session so thts gd but i asked about the wieght lose prog for steve n she sed itd b around 5 sessions so £40 a session itd b alot of money! but thts the same... hes learnt to eat unhealthy and to max his daily intake basically learned tht of me lol so all we need to do witch we will b doing after xmas is lose some wieght and learn to manage smaller portion sizes n cut junk food n take aways out... and trust me i ave the will power!!! i want to fit bk into them sexc jeans lol so yea going to get physical! lol hopefully as i got more will power he wont av to work as hard to gain the wieght he wants becos he will b learning it from me.. subconcsiously! she gave me a relaxation cd so looking forward to tht.. plus if i like i might even try it while givin birth lol which is no more then 2 weeks away!!! cnt wait... i feel like im ready! :) andy has brandon for the day tomoz.. so iv gotta do sum cleaning and then go to my mums at dinner to look after dogs as mum n dad r goin sumwere then sunday we going donna nook *seal place near mablethorpe* and monday is my birthday! av midwife at 11 on birthday tht shud b fun! lol council interview tues also av to send exam off by tues then dr on wed :) hopefully shes born by then! lol well going to go.. cyas xxx

so turned out i might b going to court for benifit fraud!!!! :/ as u no we owe them 2k for sumet tht we forgot to tell em we thought we did.. but anyways got a busy 2 weeks got meeting with solicitor today! :) then thursday got hypnotherepy so hope it works as my irons low n sumet else is low but dr wont tell me wat till 9th dec which is my appointment going to donna nook on sunday birthday is on the monday tbh its going to b the worst bday yet! as i have an interview wi council on the 8th! wat a fuckin day to decide on weather i go to court or not... not happy about tht.. but its dun now.. will jus have to hope they believe me.. i mean im not lieing anyways but u no wat they like fuckin wankers... then i ave to have my tma (exam) in by the 8th as well so... its getting to b quiet stressful i mean avein a babys stressful enuff wi out all this shit! also got midwife on my birthday! nice! lol plus go fuck all todo as steves at work.. :( so.... going to b a right shit birthday... less i pick myself up n go out wi brandon sumwere nice.. :) but cnt go to far as cud basically give birth anyday now... sooner the better!!! its not tht im getting sick of being preg its the fact of 1 less thing to worry about altho then i suppose il b sleep deprived n av a newborn to look after and av all this shit so maybe i shud stay preg lol well gunna go.... gotta ave this exam dun by sat :) cyas

well.. not been a bad week. blood tests r fine :) went to meadowhall today! thought i was going to die! lol was in sum right pain think now wud b the time to start takin it easy lol SPD is not good... lol only 3 weeks till due date!! cnt wait.. not much elts to say realli started my exam its due on 8th dec but iv jus finished 1st part so only got 250 words to write on my opinion and wat kind of approach i like n why so.. shouldnt b difficult then its on to chap 7 of the book i think iv done realli well :) its a difficult course but im getting there... least wen iv finished my degree i will be able to get a decent job n not stuck in dead end jobs for rest of my life... altho i do need to do sum self actualization with myself b4 i become a councellor... sort my probz out first... lol jus having a vodka and coke atm :) after a nice hot bath!!! trying to sort going out for my birthday but doesnt look like tht will happen... so not sure... ah well going to get off... n sort dinner out... we avin dominos uh cnt wait for them cookies lol plus tonight will be the night ;) ;) lol c yas xxx

hi so got 4 weeks left! hopefully she comes early! lol cant wait its starting to get on my nerves lol. went to york on sunday! was good.. :) then went for a meal and brandon was playing in this play area n this lil boy we will call him ian.. and this other boy scott... well ian was playin on this stool and scott pushed him off n ian started crying n his mum came n i sed tht boy *scott* as jus pushed him off... she didnt say anything about it.. so anyways couple of mins later brandon was playing with this box thing tht had cars on it.. scott came up n started to climb on the box thing and was about the stand on brandons hand!!! on purpose so... i slapped his leg and told him to stop being so terrible... then he started crying.. *didnt slap him hard i slap brandon harder n he doesnt cry* anyways his mum came she didnt say owt n if she did id told her wat her precious boy had done n she shud have been watching him tht or teach him not to pick on other kids younger then him n i wasnt about to let him hurt my boy for no reason... spoilt lil brat!!! uh anyways meal was ok... shunt of slapped him but still.. hopefully he will learn from it!!! obviously his parents dont teach him right from wrong... ah anyways then tuesday had a letter from council saying we owe 2 grand!!!!!!!!! yeh! turns out we shunt of got any houseing ben or council tax.. n theyv waited 9 months to tell us fucking wankers... but anyways its all sorted now still gotta pay it all bk but... paying w.e we can fucked up its fuckin xmas in 5 weeks iv got a baby due... n its jus the wrong time.. but we r lookin on bright side of things we r doing ok n worked out will b able to afford it.. jus wish they had told us sooner then we wunt b in this mess... but meh.. i new theyd screw us over thts wat the council r fuckin like... bastards... on a better note.. put xmas decs up last night was amazing to see brandons lil face light up!!! so sweet cnt wait for xmas now lol glad i got all baby shopping n xmas pressies dun in june tho as now we owe all tht money... also got mice again..... dont no why we have to pay so much rent for a mice infested, mould ridden 2 bed fuckin dingy flat.... doesnt seem worth it.... cnt do owt bout it cos we got no money cos council expect to get paid to remove the mice and then they dont actually do fuck all ah fuck em. the course is going well... first TMA is due on my birthday lol so... im in front so i dont av to study on my birthday! lol well going to go cyas soon x

hey so.. i did write an entry yest but it seems to not b able to show it.. so the long story cut short went to dads tues night and he basically took brandons car off him wunt give it bk brandon was litrally crying then he started hitting him calling him names n brandon u cud tell he was scared in the end i couldnt keep my mouth shut n i sed *stop it*! i wish id done more mayb smack the twat! but there was jus this thing i cudnt i was frozen.. i think hes done sumet to me wen i was younger this course is making me think alot about my childhood and hows its shaped who i am.. so.. i will b looking into my childhood more... this course is great in a way as im learning alot about myself and all those Qs r getting answers as to why i was depressed and things like tht.. so realli glad im doing it.. so yeh dad basically pissed me off tht much i had to av a WKD to calm down!! so glad i dont live there but they only tlk to me wen they want sumet... kinda like my friends... well fuck em im sick of it i dont deserve it.. i am a gd honest person! n the only 1 whos ever been there for me is stephen otherwise id still b a drug addicted whore who always depressed n id keep going in tht cycle. so over past week iv been worrying about pre eclampsia which is a life threatening thing during preg.. blood pressure been high n prot in my wee.. so.. had to have midwifes cum n go this week to check it.. its going down so thts good :) feeling realli tired lately probz lack of sleep both me an steve r gettin hardly any wi brandon being up n sure its givin us practice but im goin to b to fucked to give birth lol well going to go cos going to ret take bran to park as its a nice day plus im picking out a new camra :) its my bday pressie of steve :) cnt wait 3 weeks till my bday an 4 weeks till my due date :) hopefully she comes early!! :) well cya xxx

so had bonfire night at mothers.. well was ment to lol but brandon fell asleep on way up to hers so.. we didnt end up setting any off but was good as we all talked an luke gave us £20 plus £10 for brandon as he earned 3k at the firework shop! :) so we decided to go on sat night and let fireworks off then.. will b good.. uh saw andy as well yesterday but.. even better saw a solicitor the other :) turns out i have every right not to allow him night acsess as long as he does get to see him he cnt take me to court n since he doesnt have any parental rights its my choice where, who n wat brandon sees n does i mean id never stop him seeing him only if he did sumet like hit him or sumet realli bad like tht.. shh but.. stephen can become a step parent and gain parental resbonsibelities and have more rights over brandon then andy wud.. all because andys  name isnt on birth cert :) i mean not being horrible but iv seen the way andy is wi brandon n i dont think he realli cares... for a start he wunt keep arguing in front of him if he cared.. n the way he acted wen i sed he cant av him overnight boxing day well tht sed it all he hasnt grown up... and where the fuck was he at all brandons night feeds? where was he all them nappy changes dureing his first 6 months.? infact he only saw him every 2 weeks its only recently tht its every week he jus doesnt want the resbonsibilities its ok to play wi brandon but setting rules and routine... well hes no where to b seen! anyways on a better note.. should be going to york next week! uh hope i dont give birth there lol going shopping on sunday sum where.. his mum is taking us.. uh also have thrush :(:( horrible stuff.. uh did i tell u about the train driver!!! pffft well long story cut short.. i went meadowhall on my own well wi brandon on wed and the train ticket person first of all sent me frm 1 end of train to the other... bareing in my i am 8 n half months then he wouldnt help me on wi pushchair so i asked the train conductor he had a bitch fit n sed he wud break his bk! i no is tht a joke right!!! fuckin break his bk how the fuck does he think single mums cope! twat... they dont break there bks.. anyways obviously doesnt have children... then wen the ticket man came for my ticket sed id have to fold my pushchair as u arnt allowed em on trains... n tht its a hazard.. now.. i wuda understood if the train had been busy.... but... there were no more then 10 ppl on the train! fuckin cock...... another 1 who is a jealous fuckin virgin in his 40s! dick head bet every1 used to pick on him at school.... anyways iv email the trainline and complained about em... why shud they get away wi tlkin to ppl like tht... n i no for a fact u can av a pushchair on a train! plus no other train person has sed this to me b4... theyv always offerd to help.... twat... anyways it only cost me 5.90 so.. thts the gd part so got steves pressies.. jus got the hangover blu ray dvd he wants to get now witch cums out on my birthday i think.. but got everything else.. no more pressies to buy now :) gd job as im now due 1st of dec.. i dont no y they keep changing my dates uh worksop is shit... they no nothing... i hope my birthday is a gd 1 this yr.. all the rest ave been well.. unmemorable.. lol so got nothing planned for today apart from gotta nip into town to send sumet to post office.. n get sum mince doing home made burgers, chips n veg tonight :) well gunna get brandons breakfast dun! :) cyas x ps brandon slept... ok i suppose he woke 3 times durin the night think he had a nightmare as he wasnt actually awake jus making noises... so.. hopefully tonights a better night lol hes getting us well practiced for wen the bby cums lol but its soooo tireing.. lol cyas!

hiya! well nothing bigs happened recently.. went for lunch with stephens dad he gave him £250 n says he will give him some more nxt time he sees him :) so thts good.. got my new pushchair! :) love it! we are all ready for the baby.. got everything now.. :) jus need the actual baby! lol only 6 weeks to go :) cnt wait.. i am starting to get impaitent.. lol but its not as bad as last time. told andy hes not haveing brandon over night again.. then he starts going on about he wants his name on brandons birth cert *to make it easier if he takes me to court* iv sed nah.. uv waited 2 bloody yrs to b botherd about it.. i dont think so.. take me to court over my dead body hes getting custerdy of my son.. he doesnt no how to look after a kid anyways.. irrasobsible.. i think itl go to court tbh.. i cnt wait for the nxt time he ses he wnts it on.. cos im gunna say NO so dont bother asking again..  n then hel say well i wont give u money.. n il say.. thts fine goodbye... u aint seeing him again... see wat he does then.. cs i aint in mood im sick of the hassel.. i dont need it.. me n steve r getting on well we got hosp appointment tomoz 2-4 for this water birth talk.. so mums lookin after brandon cnt see him being quiet for 2 hr lol then we got tristan n claires halloween party at 6pm :) sooo lookin forward to it!!! still not got me broom or hat yet.. or shoes for tht matter!! will ave to go in trainers.. well i am preg lol then avin a lazy day sunday n going to drag steve to mhall on mon n tues we going to see liz :) then thurs avin bonfire night at mums n dads :) and after tht i will b going out my mind lol cos i have nothing planned then till my birthday on 7th dec!!! so.. thts at least 3 weeks of trying to get stuff planned n things to keep me busy... well going to go.. :) xxx

hey. so not been a bad week other then this horrible cold.. had it since sunday started with realli bad bk ach n headach an sore throat then wi a cough n horrible nose uh not good at all.. but il live.. its getting alot better anyways. not realli much to write i got 9 weeks of pregnancy left :) its gone realli fast.. which is a gd thing.. going to mablethorp tomoz going shopping friday for my double buggy! (£400) quiet alot of money lol then going clothes shopping.. meeting with stephens dad on 25th also got 24th to ourself as andys aving him for night :) so will probz go to chris n lizs then we got halloween party on 31st :) i cant wait lol well im gunna get off i may get lucky tonight for the 1st time in 3 months!!! :) cya x

uh i feel awful.. brandons cum down wi sore nose n throat.. cold like symptoms.. and well im starting to get it.. doesnt help wen steven wont help wi anything for past 2 weeks iv kept the flat spotless *even tho im ment to b takin it easy* cleaning every day! then going into for shopping.... n looking after brandon n as steven helped! no... he hasnt.. so as i am ill id like abit of pampering even if ud call it tht... jus abit of love jus mayb him offer to help wi tiedying or saying he loves me wud b nice.. i dont ask for much! but wen im ill id like sumet bk from  the realationship..  asked him to wash dishes other night did he do it? no he jus ignored me... so i had to do it... this morning i put the ironing bored away after hed left it out. n he had the cheek to start avin ago about kitchen bin being emptyed he noes he emptys the bins... im 7 n half months fuckin preg im not gunna strain myelf lifting a fuckin bin... he of al ppl shud understand tht... then he puts the fuckin ironin bored out again! n leaves it again for me to do!!!!! yea he realli fukin cares doesnt he... i sed u gt n e money for sum cold stuff his reply was.. "iv spent it on warhammer" right.... so now he fuckin expects me to pay for everything now as well as fuckin tiedying n looking after the kids... iv had enuff.. n im not putting up wi it anymore... so iv sent him a msg telling him how i feel.. HMMM no fucking reply tht was 30 mins ago.. to busy wi his fuckin self.. or fucking debbie.. as useual.. i sed if i need u to cum home will u.. he sed no.. im at work.. im more fuckin important then work! uh cnt rely on no fucker these days hes ment to look after me wen im ill.. i cnt do this on my own its bad enuff being pregnant n cnt get out anymore... never mind him not being there for me.. emotionaly or physicaly...! :/ got 3d scan tomoz wat weve been looking forward to all month.. it wont b good as we arnt getting long wi eachother me n brandon r ill n to top it off his fuckin mothers taking us so we cnt tlk or anything... n i bet she sticks her nose in.. were it aint fuckin wanted... uh im gunna go b4 i say sumet il regret!

hey well not much to write. steve was working sunday! *tht bitch takes piss!* but we had a nice afternoon in kings park feeding ducks. makes me think of wen were old\! lol sat on a bench in a 60s feeding ducks... lol bless.. i cant wait! lol so.. 3D scan on tuesday! i so cant wait!! so today going to retford tomoz im going to have a lazy day in! and friday i have to go retford as andys picking brandon up for the night then sat brandon will b bk home about 3 so going to have another lazy day! then sunday steves mum is taking us for a day out somewhere.. not sure were but im looking forward to it its going to b a gd week.. need the distraction lol my due dates been moved forward to the 19th dec tht means we only got 9  - 10 weeks till shes here!!! lol not long at all.. applied for tht maternity grant! altho steve forgot to post the thing.. so sending it today hopefully get to them by tues hopefully theyl make a desicion by end of the month! as we need to no! we gotta buy a double pushchair we chose this 3 wheeler 1 £400!!! his dad has offerd to pay for it but its not fair him paying for our child... i told stephen wen i got pregnant wed need 1 but as per useual doesnt listen to me!! ah well so started my counselling course its going well its harder then i thought but im getting there... we will see weather i want to persue a carreer in counselling at the end of the course lol but at least i can say iv dun an intro to counselling if i want a job in nurseing or care work or social services :) so.. not realli getting any bigger wi this bump.. :/ sure ur ment to gain loads of wait in the 3rd trimester. doesnt seem to b happening ah well got all my xmas pressies! i figure start early! and then i can spread the cost so dec doesnt cost much plus will av the baby to worry about... hopefully cums first wk of dec as then we can decide were we go for xmas lunch or if we av it at home. after all xmas is about familys and spending time wi em i hate tht we dont have a car as my mum n dad will av to cum to us for an hour or 2 on xmas day :( steves mum will av to pick us up to take us to hers then chris n lizs uh hope thomas has learnt how to be nice to ppl who buy u gifts! last yr he had a right paddy at steves nana for buying him the same pressie as sum1 else.. spoilt brat! i hate spoilt ppl... will make sure brandon doesnt turn out tht way! hes got his cars bed jus waitin again.... for steve to put check in his bank! to get the mattress as his dad paid for bed £200! bless him. thts about all we been doing realli... its gettin rather cold.. cant wait till halloween got my costume for tristan n claires party! brandons going as a lil vamp lol so loads of things over the nxt 9 weeks to keep me occupied no idea wat im doing for my 21st! hopefully shel cum b4 then or on tht day! as i realli dont want to b preg again! for my bday.. i actually want to wear sumet tht fits and looks nice and mayb go out somewhere.. but either way i hope its a birthday il remember! after all its ment to b isnt it! also i want to spend as much time with family as i can i no there not going to b there forever and time doesnt stand still for n e 1. steve nan is 90 so.. i dont think she has long left sad to say so want to spend time with her and i hope she gets to see more of her great grand kids.. also been seeing my nan *pat the bitch* and no i dont like her but.... i no seeing her great grand kids mean alot to her... to i will grant her tht wish.... and despite all the horrible things she has dun.. i want her to b happy and every1 else in the family.. dads made up wi mave i sed dad... lifes to short... 1 mins ur here the nxt u can b gone... make the most of it.. n stop being so horrible to ppl over lil things.. all u need in life is ur family and friends and il make sure brandon and this baby no they were loved by family members who wont b there wen theyv grow up.. i didnt get to no my nan... i dont want the same for mine.... well not tht u can stop ppl making there own choices in life... if they wish to damage there health thts there choice and of course ppl will b  sad tt theyv made tht choice but at end of the day its not my choice to make they no how i feel about it... i tell them offten! lol dads not doing to bad tho hes eating right n stopped smoking.. jus my mother im worried about! but anyways enuff of tht note.. hopefully will b moving bk to retford soon! :) well im going to go.. as i did say it wasnt going to b long!! lol cyas xxx

hi well not been a bad couple of days wednesday wnt to meadowhall with steve he had a training day finished at 12.30 then we had a look around meadowhall and came home was good decided we needed a double buggy and.. then yesterday we did some cooking together altho his cornflake tarts didnt turn out well lol bless then we had midwife so.. went to tht brandon was avin a paddy.. :/ as he was tired lol it was a diffrent midwife i useualy have rachel *bitch* but we had this helen witch wasnt bad seemed more intrested in me n the bby and she seemed to b in her job cos she liked it not jus for the money.. she also sed i shud claim for the £500 maternity grant as we might quilify which the other midwife sed we wouldnt im getting sick of ppl telling me diffrent things.. about wat we can get n cnt.. so going to job centre today get all the forms then hopefully fill em out in town.. then i can go str8 to drs and see if 1 of em can sign it then send it off... sooner i send it sooner il get my answer im hoping i dont have to wait till nxt midwife app to sign n send it as not got midwife till 26th oct then itl take a month to sort out so wont get it till end of nov :/ witch is ok but id rather have it sooner so we can test sum pushchairs out n buy 1 there £300 either way will need 1 but.. id rather the grant pay for it as we dont realli av tht kind of money to jus throw away if u no wat i mean.. but  everything else is gd our realationship is better :) did i tell u i met andys gf!? well she seems ok.. done aload of tiedying even tho im ment to b taking it easy.. did the whole kitchen n living room not once did steve help me witch im abit pissed off about then i ask him to do the dishes and he did half of them.. :/ i dont ask for much but wen i do i want it done wen i ask not 3 days later... its not fair i do the cleaning, cooking and i look after brandon all day... he should b doing at least the heavey cleaning like moving things around.. mopping hoovering as it kills my bk.. but.. no hed rather sit on his ars on his laptop doesnt even bother playing wi brandon.. i wunt mind him playing wi brandon at least hed b interacting wi him.. IT WILL change wen this baby comes becos im not avin it.. its his child and he can bloody well pull his wait! but other then tht everything is well.. start my course today! already done 1 chap as i figure sooner i get it done n get in front the less i will av to do wen the baby comes as the course finishes end of jan shel b 1 -2 months old so i will need all the spare time i get to either catch up on sleep or study it wont b easy... but... i will do it... itl b worth it in the end.. :) well going to get ready to go into town.. x

hey! so its been a loooong weekend sat i had a trip to the hosp! :( keep getting these stomach pains, headach, bk ach all signs of pre exclamsia *deadly if not treated* so went to hosp he did his checks... n turns out iv pulled a muscle in my bk! :( also the stomach pain is stress apparently but i dont feel stressed at all :/ so.. i dunno anyways other then tht im fine :) tht kilton hill is horrible wen u av to walk lol so sat night went found to chris n liz was fun to sum extent i figures i need to get out as much as possible as only 12 weeks till the birth :) if she doesnt cum early! got my 3D scan booked its only the 13th oct :) soooo cnt wait going meadowhall on the 30thsep avin a weekend away somewhere mayb mablethorp enjoyed tht last time going on the 2nd oct :) till mon then obviously we got halloween 31st oct :) realli looking forward to tht :) tristen n claire av invited us to there party :) its for children :) so brandon can cum :) cnt wait to go shopping for his outfit! :) a lil pumpkin or a lil vampire! lol dont no wat we r going as :S then got bonfire night at my mums 5th nov :) and..... then nothing till the 7th dec *my birthday* so... realli gotta plan some stuff to do from nov to dec to keep me busy so i dont go out my mind lol me and steve r getting on well :) i want another kitty but... i no we this new baby i wont b able to av time for it... so i no theres no point in it.. mayb a few months after the birth :) got a blood test on 1st oct not looking forward to it at all oh also got drs on friday :/ think iv got thrush! AGAIN! uh always happens wen i get pregnant last time it was exturnal so was easy treatable.. hopefully its not inturnal other wise this baby will b cuming earlyer then dec lol still think my midwife is the crappyest ever!!! she is so not delivering my baby! lol gabbis doing well bless dont no how she cud cope after a c sec id hate 1! will av to meet up wi her sumtime cnt wait to see baby alexis lol from wat i seen she looks nothing like rich lol well gunna get off got council cumin to fix my tiles lol also.. missed brandon over the weekend so wnt to spend as much time as poss wi him :) xxxx